Anyone who knows me, had read my blog or followed me on social media for the last 11 ½ months knows that 2013 has been a shitty year for myself and my daughter.  In fact, I cannot wait to kick her ass out the door come December 31.  I have written a lot about my different struggles and my journey as it progresses and I walk forward through the tangled web but now I want to do something different.

My friend Hännah has had a similar year and suggested a way to shift the focus a bit.  She’s hosting a thankfulness link up on her blog and I thought that really looking back over the year and thanking those that stood by, blessed, sat with and many other things.

All will remain anonymous.

  1. Thank you for paying my rent, for filling my truck with gas and buying us groceries when I couldn’t work because I was so sick.
  2. Thank you for sitting next to me in that hospital bed, rubbing my back as I tried to vomit.  Thank you for being there when I know you had other patients to attend to.  Thank you for showing me the love that I needed to see just THEN.
  3. Thank you for washing me.  I mean really WASHING me, my body, my hair, and really my soul when I could barely make it to the bathroom and then realized I could not even lift my arms to wash myself.  It was you who showed me Jesus with skin on those five days in the hospital.
  4. Thank you for coming that next day and staying, even while I slept.  Thank you for reminding me to set my alarm for every 8 minutes so I could hit my pain medicine button.  You could see the pain I was in, I couldn’t.  Thank you for repositioning my pillows, for making sure I was comfortable.  Thank you for going on a food hunt in the middle of the night, for staying with me when I know you were unable to sleep.  Thank you for cleaning me up, for holding me as a wept because the pain was something I could never have expected.
  5. Thank you being there when I came home.  For taking care of Abigail and I.  For loving us.
  6. Thank you for inviting me into this circle of women, for helping no rather showing me that I already had a voice I just needed help ripping off the tape.
  7. Thank you for being there as a wept, knowing I couldn’t pay rent again, and then sending me the money needed.  Thank you for the late night talks, the rants, the back and forth movie and show quoting text messages.
  8. Thank you for showing me that friendships built online are not false nor do they forsake you.  That they are more real and built upon words and vulnerability than some skin relationships.
  9. Thank you for reminding me that you’ll sit with me on my kitchen floor as a sob but that I’ll have to get up and that you’ll get up with me.  Thank you for sending my own words back to me in such a beautiful way.
  10. Thank you for the love you have shown my daughter.  The cards, the presents.  It means so much to her and she feels seen.  That makes my mama heart beat for her and with her as she feels something she has needed for so long.
  11. Thank you for the prayers as I went back through more testing this fall as it appeared as though the Chiari was resurfacing.  Thank you for the text messages, the cards and the love.
  12. Thank you for pouring out your love on my blog, on what on write, for critiquing and helping me grow.
  13. Thank you for pushing me and checking in on me hourly until I went to church.

All of you and so many more have helped this year not be so shitty.  As I look back from June on I can see the shift and I am thankful.

I am thankful for the soul’s that surround me that push me, that guide me, encourage me, and move me to be me.

I LOVE you all.

As Always,

Bethany

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