I haven’t really said much about my career prior to the last couple of years.  I started working in the substance abuse/mental health field in 2007.  I started as the victim advocate for our domestic violence program.  I worked there in various capacities until 2009.  That’s when I found my job at the crisis detox units.  I was an on-call counselor for a year and a half until I transitioned to a full time position at the location in Aurora.

I had always thought that I would go into the substance abuse field.  I knew I wanted to be a therapist and this was a good start.  I went on to become certified then was promoted to day shift supervisor.  Everything was in place according to my plan.

After I became supervisor things changed overnight.  Without warning I had responsibilities that should not have been mine.  My boss treated me like his assistant when it was suitable for me, but when it was suitable for him I was his day shift supervisor.

It became an unbearable place to work.  I was constantly talked about behind my back and in front of my face.  When I discovered there was a plot to get me fired I decided to leave after I came back from Africa.  I was going to start looking for another job.  I wasn’t going to allow myself to be abused anymore.

Turns out I didn’t have to quit.  When I returned to work I found out I had been suspended pending an asinine investigation which reveal nothing.  I wasn’t told if I would be paid during this time so I went a month wondering if I was going to get back pay.  When I didn’t know how I was going to get by God showed up in a really big way.

I never went a month with my rent not paid.  We never went without food or gas for my truck.  He provided through his people and it kept us going for months.  That continued into the months after I got sick.

It is those things that keep me hanging on.  I knew we were going to be okay in that moment.  But then the season continued and I feel like I have been left high and dry.  I don’t feel or see His presence so big in my life anymore and I am struggling with that.

That is part of the reason that I decided to write on faith for 31Days.  The God that I knew then is not the God I know now.  The God I see Him as these days is one more of love and grace, justice and peace and one that wants his children to love rather than hate.  I don’t think he is prissy God either but that he knows that the only way out of this mess of a world is to love.

I miss my job, I know I am not supposed to be there anymore, it was an incredibly hostile work environment.  What I really miss is that I had a plan for the future.  Everything seemed very settled and laid out before me.  Now there is no plan but that doesn’t mean that God isn’t still God in my life.  It doesn’t mean he’s no less here and that he will still indeed provide.

Holding onto those promises is much harder when life is not consistent at all.  However I know him to be a steady God, and can believe that he is not going to leave mow.  He has already brought ne this far.

I don’t see him wavering now.

As Always,

Bethany

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