After I had my surgery I went back to being a single mom and doing everything myself. There were a few people who came around and brought food, helped me get A on the bus and came over just to spend time with me. After a month that wore off and I was alone again; taking care of Abigail wasn’t incredibly tough because I was so medicated but the being alone hurt.
A friend of mine who had the Chiari decompression surgery a year before I did was incredibly supportive. She and her mom and sister did so much for us. One day her sister said to me “girl I don’t know how you do it. You are wonder woman.” I didn’t feel like Wonder Woman at all but I clung on to the hope that I really was doing okay.
The time since my surgery has been incredibly difficult and every time I start to feel like I cannot handle it, I remember what my friend said about me being Wonder Woman.
It doesn’t mean that I can handle everything, get everything done in one day and unfortunately I cannot fly. What the nickname does help is pushing me one step forward a little each day. In Wonder Woman I find the grace and strength to work through the shit that is my life right now. I know and believe that things won’t always be this way.
To commemorate my nickname and the healing that has come over the last 18 months I got a wonder woman tattoo this past weekend. It was a healing experience and allowed me to reflect on this time that I always call so hard and terrible.
Truth is, it has been hard and terrible. What I see as positive though is that I didn’t crumble and walk away, back to the old way of life. I have refused to let go, lie down and give up. The only reason for that is that I refuse to let go of the tiny morsel of faith I have left. I believed this whole time that God really is going to see me through this. While I can’t see what the future holds, He can and He knows that getting me through is ever so important.
Getting the Wonder Woman tattoo was about more than just having beautiful work on my arm, and the starting of a sleeve. It’s about holding onto the truth of faith.
I have the evidence of faith on my upper right arm and neither it, nor I are going anywhere.