I had lost or walked away from almost every friend I had. It was either that we’d grown apart or that there was “a thing” there that prevented the friendship from growing. Whether it was or the other person is what I have been working through because I know that there were times, years and people that I wasn’t faithful to. Just as there were people that I needed to be there for me that weren’t.
I have worked and am still working through a lot of the things that prevent me from having healthy relationships, with anyone. Most of those were worked through as I built a relationship with my therapist. As I did that my relationships started to change, whether for the good or the bad.
I have walked away from several people who were extremely unhealthy and toxic, including my family which has been hard. Not a lot of things hurt more than a severed relationship with someone who was supposed to be so much more.
I have waded through grief from losing relationships that were based on so much rawness and vulnerability that losing that relationship hurts.
Grieving that brings out all of those alone feelings.
Then I am reminded of the amazing community that I have built. Twitter, an amazing writing community that I was a part of, people in my skin life and some new friends that I met through other friends; this is what makes up my community.
I would never have been able to value the beauty of these relationships if I had not been a part of the Story Sessions community. The women I formed relationships were just as valuable as discovering my voice under the rubble. Those relationships turned to other relationships that have led me to spending half of my summer with a valuable soul and her family.
I cannot even begin to find to the words to thank EVERY SINGLE PERSON that has helped us. And there are many. All of those things happened because of my online relationships.
I have been incredibly blessed by my relationships with each and every person and I want you all to know that my heart is so full. Each one of you has stood beside Abigail and I as we have waded through these murky waters.
I never imagined that people I have never (well some I have) met would be so generous. People who were generous with love, kindness, prayers and support when things got out of control.
These are men and woman who I can share my heart with and know that they hear me and they know that I hear them.
These people are my family.
October 15, 2014 at 5:09 pm
You are so loved!!!