I have been blogging on faith now for almost three weeks. It has been incredibly helpful to dive in and clean out those areas where the dust had settled. There are still so many unanswered questions.
I am really struggling right now. I have been sick for two years and even after brain surgery didn’t get that much better. Now I have some weird lymph node thingy that the doctor thinks could be Epstein Barr. While obviously it’s not life threatening it is just one more thing piled onto a plate that’s already breaking.
I cannot get out from underneath this weight. The days come and go, sometimes I feel okay both physically and mentally. Some days I stay in bed because the pain is excruciating.
I haven’t been able to work since February. My health is the major cause however my truck broke down and I had to sell it. I am applying for disability but that takes forever and right now I am sitting here wondering how I am going to get through November. I have been doing this dance for two years, the can I pay my rent dance. It’s not a fun one.
It is tiring. Not only because I am trying to take care of me but I am also taking care of another tiny human. Abigail depends on me so much, being I am her only parent. The days I stay in bed are the hardest on her. She wants me to play with her and be active and I am really struggling right now.
Staying on top of chores, cleaning and homework feels overwhelming. There is a deep part of me that wants to pack up and blow town.
That is beyond realistic.
I know I can gather up these feelings about God and His truths, hold them to my heart and somehow believe that it’ll work out.