I have been called many things in my life. Never were they laced with love. Nor words that someone with a heart of love would use.
I first heard the name of Jesus in February of 2006 when I was four months pregnant with my daughter. it felt like the right thing at the time. I was alone, had just left my abusive ex and this church home took me in.
to say I was primed for saving might have been a subconscious thing in the hearts of those around me. but the church knows what type of person is likely to get saved in a vulnerable moment.
I am now learning or relearning what I really believe and why. with that comes incredible healing from being in an opressive system for 8 years.
I’m reclaiming. I’m learning to love and be loved. there has been much healing.
It’s been a path of wonder, of unexpected pain, joy, sorrow and beauty all wrapped into something that at times I look at and call rubbish.
even in the ugly ache, there has been crazy beauty, lessons learned, love found, and hope found again.
Beauty covered in the truth that do overs and blank pages do exist.
so do destiny, soul mates, and love at first site.
I am who I am today at 34 because of what I’ve lived through. because I was finally able to see that I am my own woman. It’s time to cultivate and express who I was always told to keep under wraps.
I write what I want because I can and I ascribe to this Anne Lamott quote often
“if people didn’t want you to write about them then they should have behaved better”
~I am a hippie, a warrior, a lover, a mama to a little lioness; I fight bad guys and kill bugs. I’m the wife to my wild, bearded biker. I am passionate about equality for all and for everyone to see and that they are loved. I love cardigans (wearing them and making them) scarves, and tea, journals, pens, and the scent of lavender and patchouli. Fresh flowers on my table make smile. Candles burning, a nice joint and some good music…..
I’m a punk, a rider, a dreamer, a schemer and will always be a therapist at heart. Gentleness and peacefulness are things I am learning. Although quietness is not something I believe I will ever be capable of. I have a loud voice; however I have learned to temper my words with grace depending on the audience and situation. Swear words are a part of my vocabulary and I use them frequently. I write raw and real. This is my therapy. These words are my hearts declaration that the ugly, the broken and the beautiful are amazing life lessons.
This is the story of how I found grace, joy, promise and a future in the midst of something I used to see as rubbish. I found my voice and it’s time to fear the fighter~
“do not go gentle into that good night but rage, rage against the dying of the light”