I have been having this feeling lately. This odd and uncomfortable feeling of missing what I called a relationship with Jesus. It felt real and pure and oh so right. I had this thing that was keeping me from going back to the girl I was before Jesus. I miss those moments where I felt like I was so close to God and filled with the Holy Spirit. Those were the moments that I felt the most alive and the freest from the constraints of life.
Deep down however there was this building pressure trying to escape. I used my relationship with Jesus to mask that deep pain. Feeling that pain would have killed me and that was something I was not able to bear at that time. Using legalism was the best cover. It allowed me to be something different and not the anxious and fearful wreck I was on the inside.
I was trying so hard to keep this façade up, yet just underneath the surface I could see fragments starting to crack. Splits in the glass that was showing me that where I was being so vocal about Christ underneath I didn’t really mean everything I was saying. It was this constant tension between what was happening in my soul and who I was trying to be on the outside
I am not that legalistic person anymore, but it’s hard because I feel like I don’t have any faith. I am not tethered to anything these days. I haven’t been to church in six months and I am not reading my bible right now. It all feels too hard and not safe. I know that’s the best place for me right now. I also know that God and I are connected in our own way. There is a different feeling to it though because it’s nothing like it was when I first started falling Christ.
I think that’s where I struggle. I know I do not want to go back to the false faith I had before, that wasn’t getting me anywhere. This space I am in right now feels very strange. I don’t know how to connect with the God I know and love without feeling unsafe or overwhelmed by people in the church who really don’t understand. The lack of a consistent faith practice is troubling. My soul deeply needs consistent connection with God.
That is where I think I’m that missing that old faith. I don’t miss the legalism or the fundamental behavior that drove me to cling to rules. I miss being tethered to Jesus and having those kinesthetic, emotive feelings that were present every day. Now there is nothing, no daily connection. I know that I am not alone; I fully believe that I do not have to go to church or read my bible to experience intimacy with God. Yet there is this open feeling in the chest that used to be filled with those daily quiet times that is now filled with a couple hours of 1 hour dramas.
I am a firm believer that God sits with us wherever we are. Whether one is a preacher and our place with Him is behind a pulpit every Sunday or one is struggling deeply with how to reconnect with God and suddenly finds herself in the mud of faith. That being said I do believe He is here every step of the way, I just can’t see what the steps look like.
It took me a long time to learn that emotions and flights of feelings do not make up our relationships with Christ. I banked those old moments hoping they would get me through the tough times. When I wasn’t feeling them I was sure that God had decided He was done with me. That is how much my faith was driven by earning God’s acceptance through the work I was doing. Those emotive feelings passed and I had nothing to bank on. I was dry and weary.
I could never go back to the way I lived my faith out before. There was no outcome that was going to prove beneficial. I absorbed what I was taught and told about God and those were lies yes, but then I turned around and told the same things to other people. It affected all of my relationships and how people saw me. Things are different now, there’s softness and my views on things and what I believe have flipped 180 degrees and for that I am thankful. Actually thank the internet and all the progressive and loving bloggers out there.
I want to find my way back to a safe place where there is structure, a place where I can be in community with other people who serve and love Jesus in a like minded fashion. Not to say that differences aren’t beautiful, I long for that too. When I say like minded in a church setting I mean I could never go back to an evangelical church, which would not be safe. I’ve thought of a few different denominations that seem to have the history and service setting I am looking for.
As far as the bible goes; sometimes I hear a scripture of two and it sounds so beautiful I think I am ready to open it up. When I do I get that same rush of anxiety that caused me to put it on my bookshelf in the first place. I believe I’ll get there one day, one day when it doesn’t hurt so bad to read words that were once used in condemnation of my personal life and how I loved God.
One day I will feel that tethered feeling again and it won’t be because I’ve gone back to legalism or am seeking an emotional relationship only. I’ll feel tethered because I’ll know that I have healed and that all things Christian no longer feel like a threat.
As Always,
Bethany
May 22, 2014 at 11:59 am
I read your blog this morning…such a sad blog…
you were loved, you ARE loved…you are still prayed for and thought of almost daily…I was driving home just yesterday and prayed for your dear heart…
We all have dark stories and dark places…
You came into our lives (Trina, Joni, Sara, Angela…)…we were so glad you were there! We did not chase you down, or force any evangelical fervor onto you…you came to us, and when you came, we shared with you what has been life to our bones…healing to our wounded hearts…peace to our families…
no agenda, no false pretense…sincere sharing of what has brought hope, life, healing…not a bunch of rules…
…but certainly God’s Word gives principles that bring life…just like anything in life, you do things one way, life comes, another way, hard times come…We have found that as we lived our lives by the principles in God’s Word, life came…healing came…my days aren’t easy or perfect, but I do have to say that more often than not, I have peace, and joy and hope and sense of purpose and direction…even in the midst of financial strain, teenagers, menopause…there is a hope and a peace…I long for you to find that too…
you have chosen to lay all that aside…and it seems to me, from reading your blogs, that you have landed in a very different place, and yes, God still adores you….He promises to never leave us nor forsake us…and I for one, am so glad for that because sometimes my faith is strong, and sometimes I am a total mess…sometimes I walk in grace and hope, some days I flounder and fail miserably…
I have learned this about the “internet friends”…you can find a group of people that will cheer you on in almost any choice you make…they will applaud you and agree with you…fundamentalists do it for each other (btw, I do NOT consider myself a fundamentalist), conservatives do it, the “I’m an ex-evangelicals” do it…really, any corner you choose to land in, you will find people to cheer you on.
I am just praying that you will find your way to life, to hope, to peace, to the God who is so clearly seen through the Word of God…
It is still truth, “The enemy prowls around like a roaring lion seeking who he may devour”…he would LOVE to keep you away from the Word of God…to point to that as the means of your wounding…
…and, just maybe, it is the Holy Spirit who is making you feel hungry for the closeness you shared before…not legalism, but a faith that is solid and sure and grounded in truths…not man’s truths, but certainly God’s truths…there is so much sweet freedom in that kind of faith…
I believe you are chasing some false wells…things that look like they will give you living water, but they will not.
Dave Busby used to say,
“…Then chase those wells even harder…run after them with all your strength, and when you come up still thirsty, He will be there…”
I know I have no voice in your life…but I just see so many things in your blogs that you share about your time around some of the dearest women I know…women who still care for you, still pray for you…still ask, “How is Bethany?”…and the way you characterize conversations…so different from what I saw and heard…I remember times of laughter, tears, honest conversations, of us sharing our most vulnerable places, cheering each other on, speaking truth into each others lives…yep, some harder conversations too, but that is going to be in any friendship in life…
May 22, 2014 at 12:26 pm
I think that you have a very different version of the “friendship” than I have. But so be it. A sad blog no. A life changing, being radically altered by the God who loves me blog, YES. I do know that I am loved and adored by Him, hell yes I do. Does it mean that I have to sit in a church where more hate is preached and more nosed are snubbed up in the air, no it doesn’t.
Am I in a totally different place? Yes I am and I am so much happier because I see a Jesus who sees me, just as I am. Not a happy go lucky bible toting ministry girl. But as someone who lost it all, literally. And then had her head cut open. And He stayed with me in the shit through it all. And that’s more than I can say for a lot of people.
You have only ever been able too see me one way and I don’t live that way anymore but dry, sad and false. No, working things through yes.
Please don’t read my blog and try to convince me how wrong I’m living. I’m happy here and this is a safe place.
May 22, 2014 at 12:56 pm
I’m cheering you on, dear one. I want freedom for you, not false faith and legalism. Love you. xooooo
May 22, 2014 at 1:31 pm
I love you too!! Thank you for standing beside me and for calling me Anne 🙂
May 23, 2014 at 3:01 pm
I SO get what you are saying.
Last night I was cleaning out a box and came across a xerox of a song my girls used to sing in church. I couldn’t quite place the song, so I you-tubed it. And the tears gushed. I looked at the xerox they had separated into parts. Each verse carefully chosen for the particular girl to sing. It hurt so very much.
I moved on, on you-tube, to one of the songs that has been ME ever since I first heard it. As I rocked back and forth, crying and aching, I understood exactly what I missed. Not the legalism, or the “do’s and don’t’s”, but the FAMILY that I experienced when we first attended our church in WV.
I know that that family feeling is long gone, but that IS what I missed.
I am reading My Utmost for His Highest for my daily devotions. I used my Bible, doing Proverbs and Psalms for the first couple of months this year. I need some kind of disciplined daily devos, to do my part of the “tethering”.
I KNOW He loves me. I KNOW He longs to comfort and soothe me. The void I feel is the space formerly filled by my family worshipping together, hearing my daughter play the piano, hearing my three girls singing together, listening to my husband preach.
But there is no church I know of that I would attend, far less any of them. Definitely not their mates.
May 23, 2014 at 3:04 pm
Yes!!!! That’s exactly it. It does hurt I know, but you’re not alone.
May 23, 2014 at 3:43 pm
Just posted my comments to my blog, slightly altered. Guess it is time to come out of the closet. . . I thank God for you.