Questioning faith

Which was once the beat of my heart

Jesus

My only company

My mind goes back to see,

Those first days

Fresh

New

Bold

Now I look so hard to see,

to see if you are really there

To seek for truth

Are you the Father?

Are you the son?

Are you the one that they said

was to come?

My spirit has faded

As I have moved

Through the seasons

Those questions I had

That anger I shared

The uphill battle

The twists and turns of days into nights

I wanted to leave you on that dirt floor

Where you sat with me

While in despair

I got up alone

Even looked back to see if you were coming

But you said

“Child I’ll be here and there with you”

Dirt floors or dancing, or face down crying

I am your Father

You aren’t alone

Poetry really is my first love when it comes to writing. It is also an amazing way for me to write about this faith excavation.  I am looking deep into my heart and what I have walked through over the last 8 1/2 years to see if there is any shred of faith left.

So far I still believe.  I’ve been through enough with God alone to ever walk away from him.  Though the truths are changing.  I no longer see him as an angry judge who expects perfection.  I see him as a God who loves, that he is love and want us to love well.

I believe our mission as followers of Christ is to be loving, open, willing to forgive and so much bigger that we can ever imagine understanding.

I have been hurt by the faith community but more and more people of faith (all different ones) are coming into my life and causing even deeper questions.

I have also learned that questions aren’t bad.  God knows we get angry and can handle it all.

The biggest thing I have learned is love.

As Always,

Bethany

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